SUNDAY NIGHT
April 30th
THE JOURNAL ENTRIES BEGAN
HERE.........Journal
Entry 1
JOURNAL ENTRY
11
EL's Journal Entry 11
Why is it sometimes we have to see something to believe it?
Why is it that the things we are not accustomed to seeing are
the things we believe in the most? So many questions keep
circling in my head.
Although it was a relatively quiet Sunday afternoon, my mind seems
to be racing. Never really having a quiet moment or anything to justify
a quiet moment. It's like I have to analyze everything constantly like
a teletype machine in the old movies. What if? What if? What if?
I have to conjure up another reason to validate everything that is
happening at the house. Justify it all. What reason could there be?
I can never leave well enough alone. I am never satisfied with what
appears on the surface....oh no....I always have to dig deeper well
below the surface of what everything appears to be. I have to know
more and that's what usually gets me in trouble.
Sure I could just have walked away from this house, and to this day
I can't figure out why I am still here. But I stay and I dig and I
question and somehow in my dreams I feel there is most of the
answers. If only I could remember all of it. If someone is here then
why couldn't they help me remember all the dreams? You would think
they would want me to.
Why is it the messages seem to come in
dream form in your sleep? Or is it really a dream, am I going
somewhere else and they are there?
Or was I there all along in
some other place or time or even dimension? Are things here
not what they really seem to be?
See this is the part in the movies
where the character always runs into trouble because they don't do
the smart thing and they stay and keep things going.
But.......I feel compelled to be here and it feels like home.
More and more it feels closer then ever....the truth that is.
The truth, no matter what it is on some scary level I have to know.
It's like that empty hole you look to fill, that void in your life you
are not sure what it is but you know it's there, you feel it's there.
And ..... something comes into your life and disrupts everything and
you are sure that this is it, this is your life's purpose, this is why you
were born, this plan in the grand scheme of things is all about you.
What possesses us to feel we are in the center of everything that's
happening? I don't know but maybe on some level we are the center
of our own universe, no matter where that center may be. Here or
somewhere else beyond the realm of our dreams the outward
dimension of nowhere and everywhere.
Ok much to deep for me, how about you?
Thoughts, thoughts and
more thoughts and lots of questions, maybe tonight while I dream
I will get more answers.......EL
